Clueless
by Staywifme
Summary: Dean x Castiel. Cas is confused about his feelings towards Dean, but with a little advice from Sam he comes up with what he believes to be the perfect plan for finding out just what their relationship is.


The author of this story is Kate and she's the bomb. Her deviantart is .com she draws and is pretty bomb ass. Castiel was smarter than people gave him credit for. He knew about the world, about history, about faith. He had learned even more since meeting and joining the Winchesters, and Castiel's knowledge only grew as time passed. Castiel had a good memory, too. Even after millennia of living, he could recite even the slightest thing anyone around him had ever said to him or about him. Of course it was Dean's words that kept him up at night, the sheer importance of the memory making his head pound until he'd finally let the comment slide, whatever it was. But there were other things that he remembered, and they often tended to be the words that no one expected him to understand. And that was not entirely untrue - the most important things ever said to Cas were usually confusing to the angel. That's why they stuck. Emotion confused him. It was so strange to Castiel that humans could develop feelings so poignant that they could feel them swelling in their chests, like crashing waves of heat. Joy, sorrow, fury, attraction... attraction was the strangest. People found people attractive, but some people found some people unattractive, and then other people were attracted to the exact same type of people, even when they were well aware they couldn't reproduce? It wasn't as if that last bit was any stranger to Castiel than the rest, but the fact that love could exist without the rearing of offspring was very, very confusing. Especially to someone who was taught to believe love was a figment of the straying human mind. Oh well, he would think. Humans are strange, and that's all I need to know. No sense in worrying myself with their odd ways. And so Castiel would go on with his new life, tagging along with these two especially strange humans, Dean and Sam Winchester. Learning all about humankind, but never quite understanding it. By far the most confusing things that Cas managed to remember were the assumptions. When humans and monsters alike, strangers, enemies, or friends - would make jokes about he and Dean. Oh, a small, offhanded comment would do. Either way, it kept Castiel up. He'd ponder alone for hours on end, wondering why it was that everyone believed that they were - what did Dean call it? - gay. And that was another thing. Gay, as far as Castiel knew, meant "happy." So, sure, they were happy sometimes. But wasn't everyone? So, eventually, the comments on their relationship began to stockpile in the angel's mind, until, one day, he just had to know. Why did everyone think he and Dean were in love? This question soon led to another - how could Castiel possibly find out if they were? It didn't seem the type of thing to bring up with Dean. So he spoke to Sam, trying his best to be discreet. "Sam... how would two people find out if they were in love?" he awkwardly asked one evening while Bobby and Dean were out drinking. Sam looked confused at first, and was silent, but suddenly a wide grin flashed crookedly across his face. He hid it hastily, but Cas noticed, as Cas often tended to do. "Well, normally they'd already be aware of it, but... I think in a case like yours - " " - I'm not talking about me," Cas snapped defensively, causing the smile to reappear and remain on Sam's face. "Right, yeah. Sorry. But in a case where the two involved people need... affirmation... I think it'd probably be easiest to just, you know…" Sam trailed off to chuckle silently into his hand. "What?" Castiel urged, growing anxious. "Kiss." The word made its way out of Sam's throat so easily that Cas felt a little silly for not understanding before. Of course. Kissing was impersonal, external. No commitment necessary, no experience needed. If Cas could just convince Dean to kiss him, then they could find out together just why they were such a hot topic. The plan was flawless. That is, it was flawless. The moment Dean and Bobby came home, though, Castiel found himself unable to talk to Dean without his usually-deep and husky voice tumbling into a vibrato. Every time Dean looked at him, Cas felt his face radiate with an unfamiliar heat and he had to look away. Castiel had never really been so nervous before. It was as if, upon seeing Dean - such an Earthly, grounded human being - Castiel suddenly realized all the flaws in his plan. For one thing, Dean was one of those people who liked women. Cas was not a woman. Another issue was that Dean didn't seem interested in the slightest in Castiel, so the experiment would be one-sided. Oh, how stupid the poor angel felt. Maybe it would be best if he just left their relationship as what it was - whatever it was. And, despite Cas' reluctance, he did eventually work up the courage to ask. Dean went outside to go wash the Impala, demanding politely that no one join him. As he walked out, both Bobby and Sam gave Cas the tiniest of nods, and the angel hesitantly headed outside, not turning to notice the two craning heads of his companions peering at him out the window. Dean didn't turn around when Castiel approached. He wasn't washing his car at all; just sitting on the hood with an empty bucket. "Dean, I need to talk to you." Dean turned around. He didn't look awfully surprised to see Cas, nor unhappy, but rather, calm. Cas wondered briefly what Dean had been reflecting on before he'd interrupted. "I'm listening." "Dean…" Castiel was searching for the right words to say, but none would come, so the angel just perched himself on the Impala's hood next to Dean, who didn't react. "I want to figure something out," he said quietly, "and I need your help." Dean gave him an odd look. "I want to… try something." Dean's odd look was turning into something else - first confused, then shocked, then a little bit disgusted. Castiel managed to keep from being discouraged, but it was difficult. "Everyone's saying things about us, and I just need to know -" "- Stop right there," Dean interrupted, his voice shaking. "I don't want to know what you're gonna say." "Dean, please -" "No! Whatever this is about, no! I don't like this, Cas; you've been acting weird all night and… wh-whatever this is, I want out." Dean had climbed off the car, and was backing away ever-so-slowly. Cas hopped down and followed him, trying to appeal, though he hadn't even mentioned his intentions yet. "I just need - I just need to -" Dean stopped, looking fairly ill. But he said nothing, so Cas stopped too, took a deep breath, and tried to continue. "I want to try kissing you." "Why?" Dean asked, his voice a sickened whisper. "I… I'm confused. I mean, I'm… I'm always confused, but - well, I just want to know." "Know what?" Dean knew already what this was about, but he asked anyways. "I want to know if I'm in love with you," Cas whispered, almost inaudibly. "And there's only one way for me to find out, since it's never happened to me before." Dean was silent. A spark of curiosity was flurrying around in his chest - what would happen if they did kiss? - but his mind told him ferociously that he was Castiel's friend, that kissing him would only make things awkward. It was no wonder Cas was confused about love, being an angel and all. He was probably just confusing kinship for attraction. Yes, that was it. Castiel just didn't know what feelings were. And yet… Dean still couldn't bring himself to say so. There was so much deep pain in Castiel's eyes, merely from his lack of understanding, and shaking him off would not help. Still, he gave no response. "Please, Dean." More silence. Castiel was looking panicked. "Dean, for God's sake, just answer me!" Cas snapped, his voice cracking in anguish. Still nothing. Castiel began to grow flustered, glancing around in feverish nervousness. Was Dean hallucinating, or were there tears in the angel's eyes? "I don't know anything about emotion. But I know that I care about you, and I just…" Cas slowed his panic, head drooping to glance down at the earth below his feet. "... I'm sick of being so clueless." Dean had no idea what to say or do. Obviously he only had one option, but it wasn't optimal. However, Castiel's abandoned expression broke his defenses entirely, and Dean finally gave his response. "Okay," he said quietly, leaning against one of Bobby's old junkyard cars that was laying in a heap behind him. "You can kiss me." Cas' face washed with relief and flashed briefly with excitement. Then a look of utter seriousness crossed his face as he realized the severity of his next actions. All had to be controlled - any variables could throw off his resulted findings, and in this case, Castiel just had to keep everything simple. Kiss Dean once, quickly, and then… then what? What was supposed to happen afterwards? Would Castiel just… know? That seemed right. But what would it feel like? Would Dean feel the same thing, or would it be different for both of them? No. No time to question it. Sam told Cas this would work, and he'd either feel something, or he wouldn't. Slowly, tentatively, he stepped towards Dean, who sighed and shut his eyes, waiting for the oncoming and inevitable moment. Cas was now chest-to-chest with Dean. He could count his companions freckles from where he was. Hesitantly, Cas tilted his head this way and that, wondering mildly if he even knew how this worked. He looked down at Dean's hands. Should he hold one of them? Both of them? None? And then there were his lips - what was he supposed to do with those? Where was he supposed to stand? What was he - "Oh, for cryin' out loud," Dean said suddenly. And with his eyes still closed, he used one finger to tip Castiel's chin upwards a bit, then leaned abruptly down and kissed the terrified angel standing before him. Cas was shocked - not only did he expect Dean to help him out, but he was shocked at the… well, the kiss itself. It was both anticlimactic - they just sort of stood there, kissing, not moving - and one of the most exciting things Cas had ever experienced. There was something so tantalizing about it, and Cas found himself with a feeling in his chest not unlike that of hunger. Slowly, nervously, Castiel reached up and put a hand on Dean's shoulder, leaned further towards him, and stood on his tiptoes to get a better angle at Dean's face. It wasn't until a few seconds later that Cas noticed the presence of Dean's hand on his back, and the way he was gripping Dean's shirt in his hand, the fabric bunching in his fingers. And then, suddenly, Castiel pulled away and gasped for air. He could've sworn he'd heard Dean mutter, "Wait," as they separated, but maybe not. Besides, his head was ringing and he could hear his heart thumping in his head. Neither Castiel nor Dean said anything. They just stared at each other in awe. Cas took a shaky breath, finally, and let out a short and awkward laugh. "Uh… okay. Now what?" he asked. Dean found himself smiling, though his stomach was turning in horror. "Now… nothing. What do you want, a hug?" Cas began to smile back, but found himself wondering if he did, after all, want to hug Dean. As if it would give him some sense of completion. "Yes," he said hesitantly, "I think so." And Dean shrugged, held his arms open, and let Cas slowly lean into them. Gradually the angel, tense with wonderment at these odd past few moments, began to relax, and he sighed and let himself fall fully into Dean's light embrace. Dean let his arms rest on Castiel's back, and they just stood there for a moment, Cas lightly shaking. "What's wrong?" Dean asked quietly. Cas shook his head against Dean's chest. "Nothing, I just… think I understand now." Dean's arms tensed around Cas, and the angel backed up to look at him with worry. However, Castiel let his hands remain on Dean's chest. Eventually, nervously, Dean lifted his hands to rest them on Cas'. "So what are the results?" he asked, somehow aware of the answer but oddly ready to hear it. "Well, how was the kiss supposed to feel?" Cas interjected, trying to stall, but coming off as overanalyzing and overcompensating. Dean wasn't expecting this at all. "Good," Dean muttered, feeling somewhat disappointed, "It was supposed to feel good." "And if it didn't?" Cas asked slowly, gently pulling his hands out from under Dean's. "Then… we're just friends. Like we used to - like we always have been." Cas nodded slowly, looking away. Then he turned his head back to Dean, but kept his gaze fixed elsewhere. "What did you feel?" he asked gently. Dean wasn't ready for this. He was hoping he wouldn't have to confess anything, if there was anything to confess. But here he was, in Castiel's awkward spotlight once again. "Well, I -" Dean began, freezing to sigh irritatedly and sitting down on the hood of the broken down vehicle. "Can I just come outright and say this?" "By all means." "I was sick of being clueless, too. So I at least expected that kiss to be relieving. Like, whatever. So we kissed. We weren't in love; the end. But I didn't expect you to be so goddamn good at kissing." Cas smiled slightly, feeling awfully proud of himself. "Are you saying you're in love with me?" Castiel asked hopefully, twisting his tie between his hands. Dean smiled and gave a little huff of annoyance. "I won't admit that to anybody. But take from it what you will." Cas considered this. Dean's face was redder than usual, wasn't it? And he'd never seen a smile like that before. Slowly, the hope in Castiel's gut flowered into a sort of amiable cockiness. "Well, then you're not getting an answer from me, either," he said with mock stubbornness, crossing his arms and turning away from Dean with a grin of triumph. Dean seemed irritated, but he was still smiling in that odd way. "That's not fair! It was your damn experiment!" "Well, you were my damn test subject." Dean laughed, stood up and grabbed Cas by the tie. "What if I were to kiss you again? Then would you tell me, you stubborn son of a bitch?" "Mm… no, I don't think so." And, as the course of things tends to go, they were kissing again, Dean still pulling Castiel's tie to hold him closer, and Cas eventually letting his hands cup Dean's face against his. When they pulled away, Cas gave another shiver of joy. "Okay, yes. I think I'm in love with you. Now would you please stop kissing me and admit it?" "Oh, I don't - wait, you think you're in love with me?" Cas grinned mischievously. "Well, I don't know if I quite appreciate how closed-minded you're being about telling -" The smug angel was interrupted by a fiercely quick peck on the lips from his companion. "Yes, I'm in love with you, you big baby. Now stop complaining, or I'll change my mind." Briefly, the old, overly-literal Cas shone through, and his face paled with fear. Dean couldn't help but laugh at his horror-stricken face, and he sat back down on the car, pulling Castiel onto his lap with him. It was odd. Almost all the girls that Dean had ever been with, in all meanings of the word - they were usually all better kissers than Cas was. The angel may have made Dean's head spin in a way that he'd never felt before, but Cas certainly wasn't very experienced. And, as he sat with Castiel on his lap, gently nuzzling his head under Dean's chin (not unlike a bird, Dean noticed), it struck him that he didn't feel as if their relationship had changed. No, not at all. It was still Cas, and they were still the same old team they'd been since Cas yanked Dean out of Hell. But it just felt realer than before. Like they'd smudged something away to reveal this side of the relationship. And it was nice to know that Dean had it when he needed it. Castiel and Dean sat out there until very late at night, sometimes talking about all the times they'd wanted to kiss the other, or punch them, and they laughed. And sometimes, they were just quiet, reveling in the fact that they could finally just be like this. No seriousness, no restraints, no anger. Because they'd always come back to the same place - kissing, hugging, and laughing - and Dean, oddly enough, was never ashamed of it as he always expected he would be. So if Castiel and Dean hadn't been talking at the time, they would've heard Bobby and Sam, still watching, high-five. And even if they'd heard Bobby and Sam high-five, they wouldn't have cared. Much. 


End file.
